爱的语言（之一）

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Words of Affirmation

Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” If we take Twain literally, six compliments a year would have kept his emotional love tank at the operational level. Your spouse will probably need more.

One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up. Solomon, author of the ancient Hebrew wisdom literature, wrote, “The tongue has the power of life and death.” Many couples have never learned the tremendous power of verbally affirming each other. Solomon further noted, ”An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.”

 

Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straight-forward statements of affirmation, such as:

“You look sharp in that suit.”

“Do you ever look nice in that dress! Wow!”

“You must be the best potato cook in the world. I love these potatoes.”

“I really appreciate your washing the dishes tonight.”

……

What would you happen to the emotional climate of a marriage if the husband and wife heard such words of affirmation regularly?

                             The object of love is not getting something you want

                         but doing something for the well-being of the one you love.

                                      It is a fact, however, that when we receive

                                    Affirmation words we are far more likely to be

                                                  motivated to reciprocate.

 

Exercises for practising Words of Affirmation:

1. Set a goal to give your spouse different compliments each day for one month. If “an apple a day keeps the doctor away,”maybe a compliment a day will keep the counselor away.
2. Look for your spouse’s strengths and tell him or her how much you appreciate those strengths. Chances are he or she will work hard to live up to his or her reputation.
3. Write a poem describing how you feel about your spouse. If you are not a poet, choose a card that expresses how you feel. Underline special words and add a few of your own at the end.

 

 

在运用爱的语言上，华人也同样的表达，比如，我们说：

        君子不出恶言。

        良言一句三冬暖，恶语伤人六月寒。

        会说话者说得人笑，不会说话者说得人闹。

       

但是，华人对恭维的话也会有许多负面理解，比如：

        甜言蜜语

        口蜜腹剑

        油嘴滑舌

这些成语会不自觉地被当作是贬义词。在听到别人的恭维的时候，会本能地产生防备心理，担心会被人欺骗利用，这说明，我们的文化和社会心理中还缺乏人与人之间的真诚相待和相互信任，社会交往中，诚信度不高就会有这样的不良心理反应。

       

如果我们大家都能够克服那些负面的心理， 学会真诚地用爱的语言赞美自己的配偶，家庭成员，以及朋友，同事和熟人，我们的这个世界会变得美好得多，我们每天的日子会开心了许多。

 

 

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