Quality Time
What good is the house and the recreational vehicle and all other things if we do not ever enjoy them together?
What is Betty’s desire? Quality time with Bill. She wanted his attention. She wanted him to focus on her, to give her time, to do things with her.
By “quality time”, I mean giving someone your undivided attention. I do not mean sitting on the couch watching TV together. When you spend time that way, ABC or NBC has your attention --- not your spouse. What I mean is sitting on the couch with the TV, computer or iphone off, looking at each other and talking, giving each other your undivided attention. It means taking a walk, just the two of you, or going out to eat and looking at each other and talking.
Have you ever noticed that in a restaurant, you can almost always tell the difference between a dating couple and a married couple? Dating couples look at each other and talk. Married couples sit there and gaze around the restaurant. You’d think they went there to eat!
Patrick’s wife had been pleading for quality conversation. Emotionally, she longed for him to focus attention on her by listening to her pain and frustration. Patrick was not focusing on listening but on speaking. He listened only long enough to hear the problem and formulate a solution. He did not listen long enough or well enough to hear his wife's cry for support and understanding.
Many of us are like Patrick.
We are trained to analyze problems
and create solutions. We forget that
marriage is a relationship, not a project
to be completed or a problem to solve.
A relationship calls for sympathetic listening with a view to understanding the other person’s thoughts, feelings, and desires.
Most of us have little training in listening. We are far more efficient in thinking and speaking. Learning to listen may be as difficult as learning a foreign language, but learn we must, if we want to communicate love.
I suggest the following summary of practical tips:
Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking.
Do not listen to your spouse and do something else at the same time.
Listen to feelings.
Observe body language.
Refuse to interrupt.
随着智能手机的普及，手机聊天代替了电视，吸引了大家的注意力。虽然可以通过各种表情符号，音频和视频表达爱意，但是，没有任何一种媒体交流的手段，可以完全取代人与人之间面对面的沟通。牵手，拥抱和接吻都需要身体的直接参与，否则会索然无味。
爱一个人，要付出的不只是物质层面的东西，同时还要付出时间，情感和注意力。聆听对方的倾诉，要像练习英语听力一样，弄懂每个词语和每句话的意思以及弦外之音。这样，配偶和情侣之间，爱意才能保鲜。
（待续，to be continued）
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